On this darkest day of the year, I feel compelled to write. I haven’t sent out a newsletter in over a year. I have been riding the rollercoaster of hope and despair as we navigate our way through this pandemic and through this time of divisiveness in our country and our world. I have watched way too much news and I have felt my internal wheels spinning. While the early days of the pandemic seemed to drag on and on, the past year and a half has gone faster than any before. Today I have been feeling the darkness in my core. It hurts. I was relieved when I realized that it’s the darkest day of the year. The realization sparked hope that comes only with light. So, I write.

On this day I would like to thank Father Sun for his service. I miss you this time of year even though I see you every day. I long for you to come earlier and stay later. I’m grateful that you’ll begin doing just that tomorrow. Thank you for the hope that gives me as I watch you disappear today and as I navigate the longest night of the year without you. I am spoiled by the most beautiful sunrises that turn the clouds pink in the sky and bring new possibilities for how I can spend my life energy. May I wake up tomorrow and remember what a gift it is to wake up with the sun. A father and a daughter doing the dance of life again for another day. Not everyone will be so lucky. May I remember to treasure this breath. And this one. The gift of air running through my body every moment of this life.

This year I have found myself ruminating on viruses and statistics and the economy and other topics that create a sense of doom in my body. But as I watch the sun come up yet again…even earlier tomorrow than today…may I remember that in every moment I get to choose whether I run LOVE or FEAR through my body. I can walk under the sun and never even feel its kiss on my skin because I’m so preoccupied with the future or the past. May I remember to feel the caress of the sacred sun and know that I am receiving love from above. None of us could live without that fire blazing in the sky. Thank you for shining your light and your warmth on me. May I use these gifts wisely to stoke the embers of the fire in my heart. My heart tells me to love others to the best of my ability. Love my friends. Love my clients. Love my kids. Love my husband. Love my life. Love this Mother Earth. Love this breath. May I use my life energy today to align with that fire and may the return of the light bring more life energy to use for this purpose. May the light illuminate the darkness I feel inside of me and help me learn from it and transform it.

And to you, the darkness, I say thank you. Without you there would be no light. Without pain I wouldn’t know joy. Without chaos I wouldn’t know peace. Without disconnection I wouldn’t know connection. Without lack I wouldn’t know abundance. Thank you for being here so I can try to have a friendship with you even as I long for the light to return.

I am grateful for my work as a therapist as I have the privilege of sitting with clients that I love as they navigate difficult, dark times. I believe that our consciousness is light. May I grow more conscious every day and may I help the clients I work with to use their consciousness to grow like a seed growing in the compost of the earth until it pushes above the soil to the light. May the light foster that which is growing inside of us and may we consciously and carefully weed our garden so we only grow that which serves us and life. Thank you to the sun for being elusive so that I can long for your return. Thank you for the grace that has allowed those of us that are still here on this earth to have made it through this darkest night. Aho.

Wishing you and yours a beautiful Winter Solstice and a peaceful and healthy end of 2021.